This weekend I was reminded of what failure feels like. For the second time in a row, I got a call from my film developer that the roll I brought in was completely blank.
In general, I try to avoid things I know I won’t be good at but I felt inspired to try my hand at film photography. I liked that it was manual, I liked that instant gratification didn’t exist with it and I especially liked that it didn’t involve my phone. I thought it could be a good hobby to get me out of my apartment and off my phone.
I started strong. I shot two rolls, one on my mom’s old camera and one on my dad’s. Both had rolls that had been in the cameras since the 80’s so expectations were low. The photos were blurry but unique and colorful. I was excited to keep going. The first roll I had to load myself I had low expectations for. I knew I had loaded it wrong and that there was a chance it could be for nothing. That ended up being my first blank roll.
I took it in stride and had my dad help me load the second roll since it was his camera after all. When the second roll came back blank I wasn’t just surprised, I was pissed. I’d spent time and money going out and shooting the film, getting it developed, and I had nothing to show for it. I had expected a learning curve but getting two totally blank rolls felt especially brutal. Luckily, the guy took pity on me and told me to bring in my camera for him to look at. He showed me how to load the film properly, and I’m hesitantly hopeful about this next roll.
These photos were taken on a camera and lens I also initially failed with. I bought a second-hand SLR and then later a brand new, expensive lens to go with it. I brought it with me to the Catskills last October, so excited to be using it for the first time, and half of my photos came out blurry. I forced myself to keep going, lugging it around on occasion, and shooting a lot inside the safety of my apartment. As I’ve gotten more used to it I’ve brought it outside more, taking my own tripod photos. Considering these aren’t blurry, I’d say I’ve gotten a little better with it since that first weekend. So while my film photography has been off to a rocky start just like my traditional photography had, I’m hopeful I’ll get better at that too.
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